Most of the memories I have of my childhood are partial memories. They begin like a movie. A scene is set… but there is no telling where it’s going… and then it ends without much of a conclusion. It was simply an event in my life with enough emotion to cause recall.

Like the bike ride with my parents and older sister.

I was on the back of my mother’s bike in a child seat. My sister was on the back of dad’s. I remember a big net or fence… almost like a softball catching net to one side. I remember lots of orange dirt. I don’t remember green.

My parents were arguing, I think because my mom was tired and not enjoying herself. She was struggling to ride the bike with me. I don’t recall making any noise… but I do remember falling.

One minute we were upright, and the next we were on our left side. The shock scared me. I don’t recall if I was physical hurt. I think the child seat protected me somewhat… but I may have hurt my leg. I can’t remember clearly if my mother fell with me or just let the bike go… but I think we both fell.

Of course my dad didn’t take it seriously. Instead he poked fun at my mother’s incompetence. His whole family had a habit of making each other the punchline. So my mother was frequently his punchline, and he regularly made fun of her “lack of common sense.”

At some point on this family trip… I must have been three or younger… we were on a cliff. I think it was this trip, or I am blurring two separate memories together.

I remember my mother panicking and telling my father, “They are going to fall off the cliff, Bobby!” because we were playing and running free. What was my dad’s response?

He grabbed a fistful of my sister’s shirt just below her neck and then dangled her over the cliff. She screamed and cried in terror. Then he calmly set her back on her feet and turned his attention to me. This time, he clenched a handful of my shirt and held me out over the cliff.

I don’t remember screaming or crying… or even looking down. I think I clung to his wrists. Once he deemed me properly terrified, he set me down and replied to my mom:

“Now they won’t.”

Needless to say, I do have a fear of heights now.

Thanks for reading. I have many more memories to share. They won’t necessarily make sense by themselves…. but they will undoubtedly help me continue my healing. More to come!